We talk a lot about Holidays being stressful. But let's think about this. It's not every Holiday, is it? No matter how many wieners or burgers you grill; no matter how many tons of potato salad you make we do not think about July 4th as being stress-inducing. Or Labor Day, Valentine's Day or Memorial Day. So why do we have expectations that Thanksgiving, Christmas or Chanukah Holidays are inherently stressful?
The key lies in the word "expectations". The media, our own rose-tinted childhood memories and our deep-seated wishes for a Hallmark Christmas set us up. We all want a magical time of warmth and togetherness with our loving and supportive family. Unfortunately the reality is often much different. Thanksgiving sets the tone when the whole motley crew you are sometimes mortified to call family congregates. Uncle Al will not sit next to Auntie Jean because of a grudge forged when God was a boy. You're presented with 14 different dietary requirements that nobody thought to tell you about sooner.
Then Politics rears its ugly head and your Southern Baptist neo-con third cousin twice removed gets into the verbal equivalent of a food fight with your Green Party niece.
And, of course, nobody helps in the kitchen. You end the day exhausted and disgusted; wondering if you really could book a last minute trip to Maui for the entire month of December.
It does not have to be this way. You can have a relaxed and peaceful Holiday if you follow these five easy tips to handling stress and chaos during the Holiday season.
1. Lose the expectations. Take a deep breath and feel them fall from your shoulders and slide to the floor like a heavy overcoat. Make a decision to accept your family and friends, warts and all, just the way they show up. Assume that some of them will over-drink, overeat and over-pontificate. Assume that some will be deeply grateful of your efforts. To others you will always be wallpaper. So be it. However they are is their business. You do not have to participate in gossip or feuds. You do not have to volunteer for hissy fits or pity parties. You can have your first Reality-based Holiday if you just choose to let go your idea of how it should be and and accept the way it is. Reclaim your Holiday for yourself and know that whatever happens in your home it probably will not look like a Perry Como Christmas Special but it will be just fine anyway.
2. Put yourself high on your list. Think of a wonderful gift you would really like, buy it and give it to yourself with gratitude and much affection. Do not forget the gift card. Better yet give yourself a gift each day. Monday it could be a trip to that yoga studio you've always wanted to try; Tuesday - a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks; Wednesday a half hour alone with a good book or trashy magazine; Thursday a day without cooking. A fun twist on this is to have a good friend or significant other choose your gifts for you. Whether you celebrate 8 days of Chanukah or 24 days of Advent have them write a gift they think you would appreciate on a piece of paper for each day. Be sure to thank them for their gift.
3. Give yourself some "drop-out" time every day. Practitioners in the Buddhist tradition of Thicht Naht Hanh practice a great mindfulness exercise that you can easily adapt. At their retreat center a bell is rung at irregular but frequent intervals thought the day. When they hear it they stop whatever they are doing and allow their thoughts to settle. They take three long, gentle breaths. Then they go back to peeling potatoes or doing laundry.
You can imagine how calming this can be in a hectic day of shopping or cooking. You do not have to use a bell as your trigger, although bells will be plentiful at this time of year. You can decide to sit and breathe whenever you turn on your left turn indicator and you're sitting waiting for the light to change. Or you can "drop out" whenever you find yourself on hold or waiting in line for a cashier. It takes less than a minute to breathe three times. But the cumulative effect of so many stress-free moments throughout a hectic day can help you keep your sanity.
4. Do not be a hero, or a martyr. Delegate and ask for help. Holiday planning should be a team effort. Rope the kids in and give each one responsibility for some ritual or part of the Holiday season that they choose and that is important to them. If you have visitors opt for pot luck or take-out. If you have house guests, cater in for Christmas eve. Treat yourself to a housecleaning service. Buy gifts online and have them sent directly to the recipient. In other words, do whatever it takes to keep you out of traffic.
5. Finally, give yourself a cut-off point at which you accept that you've done all you can do and just sit back and enjoy the Holidays. If you have kids this point may come after all Santa's presents are wrapped and under the tree and you collapse into bed. When you get up the next day it's just pure fun time with the family. If you're single or the kids are grown you may decide to let go at 6 PM on Christmas Eve. Whatever you've done - that's where it ends. Anything forgotten or undone stays that way. Happy Holidays!
Source by Mary Rosendale
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